Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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