Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
