Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
