Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
