I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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