Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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