I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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