I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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