and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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