so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
