I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
