If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
