Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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