Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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