i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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