So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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