dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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