i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
