You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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