Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
