I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
