And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
the raccoons are back...
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