I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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