...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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