I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
