somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
