she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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