I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
