I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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