You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
