when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
