It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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