She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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