im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
