just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
