Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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