"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
