i permit you to call me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
