I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
