My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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