would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
