I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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