well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
