He felt like a one man threesome
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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