You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
