Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
