so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
