So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize