I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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