well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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