There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
pray to the hookup gods
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
