wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
