I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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