On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
