I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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