they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
