u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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