It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
