Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
