Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry about my life...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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