I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He passed out mid-signature
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
