11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
