I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my being single is dangerous.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
