Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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