I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
