this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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