i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
