I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude i'm inner monologue high
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
