Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
