Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You can't just leave with hair like that
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
