new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
