He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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