Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
