Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize