imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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